50 to FINISH!!!

Today is THE DAY!!!! I got on the scale this morning and it said that this is it! I have 50 pounds to lose and I will be finished!!!!! FINISHED! DONE! AT GOAL!!!! WAHOO!!!

The past year has been hard. I have gained and lost the same 20 pounds a few times. I would NOT call it a plateau. It was a roller coaster of frustration. I have had to really deal with the emotional part of this journey. I have had to end friendships, nurture others, figure out who I am and who I want to be. I am still working on rewiring the mental conversation lines that I have been listening to for a good 40 years and discovering for myself what it is I want to feel about myself.

So many people have the misconception that weight loss is only food & exercise. This is completely incorrect!!!! Please share this information with everyone! If you don't have an issue with food it is hard to understand what life is like when food has become a drug. I mean, honestly, food is my drug of choice. It is what I have used to hide feelings about myself and the world. And unlike all other drugs you can not go cold turkey. You have to face food all day every day. Imagine a heroine addict who was trying to break the habit but had to have a controlled amount of heroine everyday. They had to look at heroine in the cupboard and in the fridge. They had to choose which color heroine they wanted for lunch and which heroine they would eat for dinner. They would have to say no to the heroine their friend just mixed up in their kitchen. And no one is there to control the amount of heroine you use...you have to control it yourself. How successful do you think the heroine addict would be? This is what people have to deal with who have a food addiction problem. It is just as bad and incredibly hard. It is especially difficult because the addiction part of it is not understood by our culture, at all.

It is the addiction part of my journey that I have been dealing with over the past year. I mean, really, honestly dealing with. Anyone with a food issue can be successful for a while without looking at the addiction stuff at all. And I have an iron will, so I got away with it for longer than most. So now I have come to a place where I feel like I am being honest with myself and how I misuse food. I have created visual anchors for myself to remind myself that I have a goal and that I am turning over a new leaf in my life. I am creating a new vision of who I am...because I have realized that I am no longer "the fat girl" and in order to be successful I need to redefine who I am to myself.

So these are the themes I will be focusing on over the next, actually LAST, 50 pounds! I am excited to see the person who I become. I actually have no idea what I am going to look like as an adult at my goal weight! It's an unknown adventure ahead! Here's to the final 50, finding myself and mostly...not giving up on myself!

If you are in the midst of a weight loss journey, if you are struggling with food and feelings, if you want to give up...DON'T!!!! Keep moving forward! Keep working toward your goal! On this journey progress does not always show up on the scale. Progress shows up in all different forms. Be brave and keep moving!!!!

Why I Run (or rather why I DON'T run when I should...)

In 19 days I will be running my first ever half-marathon. I am running it on my own and I am scared! I am so scared that I haven't been doing my real training runs for almost 4 weeks now. So now I am DRASTICALLY behind and even more scared! HELP!!!!!!

I know that what would really make a difference would be to have a running buddy. I think that running by myself is only good for up to 4 miles and I am feeling exceptionally alone these days (in all aspects of my life) so this whole running by myself thing has been stinking an extra large amount. Now before you write a comment to the effect of "I would totally do it but I just couldn't keep up with you..." please DON'T!!!!! I've been flooded with shenanigan comments like that and it just makes me mad and frustrated and left feeling less supported than before. Instead you could leave a comment like "I will totally be your virtual running buddy! Let's start at such and such a time with a phone call and stay on the line until your run is over...even if we don't talk!" I really need a running buddy to keep me on track because this girl isn't making it on her own!

When I first started running I did it because walking was simply taking too much time and I wanted to burn more calories in less time. It used to be fun and amazing every time I went out and could actually run any length of time/distance! I mean when I started out I couldn't even walk around my dang cul-de-sac let alone run any distance at all! This whole training thing, running 4-5 times a week, and having the running cramp my style in being able to do other fun things has made the running become a painful chore. I don't want it to be a painful chore!!!!

With all of that in mind I want to remind myself why I have become a runner (YES! I am a RUNNER!)...

• To travel farther faster
• To have strong, gorgeous legs (you should see my calves!)
• To be fit
• To be outside in the sun and fresh air
• To know myself as an athlete
• To learn how strong I can be
• To challenge myself & to step outside of what is easy or comfortable
• To do something bold
• To feel like an equal with my athletic friends
• To prove that the voice in my head is wrong!
• To justify buying all kinds of cute workout clothes :)

So there you have it! Now the question is...will you be my running buddy?

Finding Motivation

As you may have guessed from my months of silence, things have not been going well for me in the weight-loss arena. I definitely allowed myself to get knocked out by the emotional demons who came to fight. It has been a pretty brutal couple of months. With the help of friends and a lot of prayer, I have been able to pull myself out of the deep pit I was in and am embarking on the final third of my weight loss journey.

I've been on the hunt for some way to visually tell myself what I've accomplished and to help keep me on track. Pinterest saved the day with a brilliant motivation board that can be seen here: BackOnPointe Today I changed an entire wall in my bathroom (the room that I probably spend the most time in and that had the biggest "available" wall) into a motivation board! Here's what I've done:

My supplies: a drawing of what I wanted to make, foam letters, pretty thumb tacks, ribbon, easy off picture hangers and cork tiles (not pictured: Sharpie markers, index cards, my printer, clear contact paper and the internet)

The whole wall

A collage that captures how I feel/want to feel about myself and fitness

Each cork tile holds inspirational stuff! The left side has: 1) An inspirational picture telling that voice in my head that it's a liar!, 2) the theme for the month "I BELIEVE in ME!", and 3) Rockin' January's workout calendar (each day has a workout/rest day planned and I even included my goals for the month...8 pounds lighter, run 18 miles a week, climb a 5.9 and ride 75 miles). The right side has: 1) a picture of the gorgeous Marilyn and it says "Today I will...", 2) a scripture for January...I definitely need Heavenly Father's help with this, and 3) a fantastic card of encouragement that I got from a fab friend! 

ECU :) 

Ribbons with clothes pins...each pin represents a pound

This is all I have left to lose!!! Child's play!!!!!

And now that I have this all together I have a giddy grin on my face and I feel like a happy little girl! I keep going into my bathroom to look at it! I'm such a sucker for a good visual!!!! 

As time goes on I'll be changing it up a bit so that I don't stop "seeing" it! I've also set some pretty awesome goals for myself to keep me going throughout the year. The first MAJOR one is running a half marathon on May 4!!!! I'll keep you updated so that you guys can all come out and cheer me on on race day! 

For those of you reading this who know me (and know where I live) I would really appreciate notes of encouragement sent to me via the good old fashioned post office! These notes really make a huge difference for me! They help me to know that I am not alone, which is a chronic demon that I battle, and they let me know that other people believe in me!!!!! These notes are another crucial part of Erin's Motivation Plan!!!!