In search of balance

Pigeon Point Lighthouse...my place of retreat

I have become painfully aware that in my efforts to live a productive life and work on weight loss I have skewed my life drastically out of balance. I took this last weekend off to do some soul searching and to come up with a plan to get the balance back. Being off kilter hasn't impacted my weight loss goals yet but I can see it quickly becoming a problem...hence I am sharing this with you here.

Part of my soul searching involved making a list of the top 20 things that I like to do and then writing down next to each one how long it has been since I've done them. I had a rude awakening! Here is what I discovered:

1. Camping...real camping...in a tent and cooking on a campfire (so long I can't remember)
2. Hiking (2 weeks)
3. Fishing (~27 years)
4. Swimming (1 week)
5. Sewing (1 month)
6. Knitting (1 day)
7. Playing in rivers (1.5 years)
8. Outdoor cooking (so long I can't remember)
9. Nature walks (20 years)
10. Museums (6 months)
11. Taking classes (so long I can't remember)
12. Relaxing in nature (0 days!)
13. Bowling (6 years)
14. Jumping rope (20+ years)
15. Swing dancing (5-6 years)
16. Jumping in puddles (20 years)
17. Going down giant slides (20 years)
18. Riding horses (25+ years)
19. Painting (7 years)
20. Baking bread (1 year...real bread...like Challah!)

So after the shocking truth trout slap of this list, I have decided to make sure to include these things (plus all the other stuff I love to do like taking pictures, singing, having cooking adventures...) in my regular daily life. No more sitting out the fun stuff because I have to pay the bills or whatever other grown-up reasoning I'll come up with. I mean, I will work, of course, but I will also remember to play. And by play I mean do fun things that I like to do for me! To kick this off I have picked 3 things from my list that I am going to work into my regular schedule. (Drum roll please)

1. Plan Spring Break camping trip
2. Bake some challah and share it
3. Sit outside for 15 minutes every day

Here are some other small things I can do to bring back some joyful balance:

1. Sing with my church choir
2. Buy a jump rope (I have one but it's too long)
3. Take my camera on walks

I will be reporting back next Monday with news on how it all went!!!!

Sizing Things Up...

The old and the new...

When I started this journey back in October 2010 I was wearing a size 11 ring on the ring finger of my right hand. Today, as I sit here typing, I am wearing a size 8 ring on my right ring finger. It is extraordinary to me to be in the "normal" range for ring sizes! I mean, I can go into any store and find a ring that'll fit me! ANY STORE!!!! Also, my favorite ring is too big to be worn on any of my fingers...WHAT?! While basking in this new sizing sensation I dug up my grandmother's engagement ring, a ring that was always so "tiny" in my mind, and it is SO going to fit me by the time I am done with all of this. It is somewhere between a 6 and 7...so maybe I am as tiny as my gramma...inside of all of this fat I do believe that I am actually just as tiny as she was. I have always felt like the "fat one" in my family. I have never felt like I could ever hope to be anywhere even near normal...but tiny...again, I say WHAT?!

I also purchased a new winter coat yesterday...from Old Navy...THE STORE...not online in the fat girl section, but at the real store at the mall in the regular sizes...AND I HAVE 77 MORE POUNDS TO LOSE!!! It's all a bit crazy to me. My goal "was" to be a size 12/14 but now that I'm looking at 77 more pounds and I'm already a 18/20...well, I'm thinking that a 8/10 is going to be more like it. Or smaller? I still haven't wrapped my head around that...it's gonna take some time.

Fear of the slow down is making me bonkers! I am so scared of failing. I am half way...I've lost more than 80 pounds...and I have 77 more to go. I think part of my stress is coming from several people asking, "So are you only loosing a pound a week now?" When I hear this I feel like people are just waiting for me to fail. Like I'm a delicious piece of steak, dangling on the end of a fork over the hungry mouths of a pack of wolves. I don't think that that is what is meant by these comments but, unfortunately, that is how they get translated in my brain. So...the fear is here again...it's that time I suppose. I am looking at it square in the face and dealing with it, not eating it! I am scared but I know that I can get beyond this point and continue to move towards my goal. I know that I'll make it to my New Years goal...no worries! 75 pounds (WW style...93 total) here I come!!!!!!

Pumped Up Kicks!!!!

That's right ladies and gentlemen!!! I have a new pair of pumped up kicks!!! Word!!!!

I found these lovely gems at DSW after realizing that my previous workout shoes were too dang big (my last pair of shoes were a size 9.5) I am now the proud owner of a size 8.5 pair of ladies workout shoes that are ghetto fabulous!!! You can't see it in the pic but the bottom edge of the sole is a nice neon yellow/green!!! What?! Anyway...what I really wanted to say was how completely awesome it is that my shoes are a full size smaller!!!!

ALSO...a friend shot a picture of me today and I almost fell over because my legs looked AWESOME...as well as the rest of me looking pretty fly! Someone even commented on my shapely legs on Facebook!

So yes, I am feeling great and am really excited about the future and proud of what I've accomplished!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Disclaimer: Please note that this blog post was typed at 10:15pm after a super long week and a long day! Can I claim insanity due to lack of sleep?

Smaller & smaller...

The new jeans!!! OH YEAH!!!!

ECU!!!

Oh YEAH!!!! I am here to report that my jeans that were my new "skinny" jeans are now TOO BIG!!!! So this week I went on over to the good old LB and hooked myself up with these lovelies! The 20s are perfection and make me look super foxy and I figure in about a month the 18s will be what I'm strutting down the street in!!!! And now, gentle readers, I would like for you to muse back to last October when a size 28 jean was so tight that I had to lay down to button them. Think hard...I know...it hurts... :) I am stunned by what I have accomplished!!!

My little fingers are even rejoicing in this weight loss thing! When I started this I wore a size 11 ring on the ring finger of my right hand (I have always thought,"I just have big fingers..." OY!) My replacement CTR ring is a size 9.5 and is falling off left, right and center! So...I went to the Beehive Bookstore and ordered a new ring...this time the size is...an 8!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!! This means that when I do get married I get to have a normal, girl sized wedding ring!!!! VICTORY IS MINE!!!!

While all of this new smallness has been happening I have been thinking about how I'm feeling about being less. I had a friend once say to me, during a different weight loss period, "You're disappearing!" That statement freaked me out and was the effective fly in the ointment of me losing any more weight. The idea that if I don't weigh as much, I will effectively stop existing is not what I want, AT ALL!!! I do know that this is a concern for me. That by there being "less" of me, the world will see me as being less of a person, someone to trample on or overlook, is terrifying to me. I've also been realizing lately that I am not as tall as I imagine I am. I think that in my mind's eye I am about 5'8" but in reality I am just shy of 5'4"! This new realization of truly becoming a petit person has me concerned...I don't want to disappear!

The question of the day to all of my smaller friends (you know who you are!): How do you find a balance between being "small" and being seen? Do you experience the world ignoring you?

Then and Now

When I started this whole weight loss thing I weighed about 65 pounds more than I do today. I was well over 300 pounds and feeling every ounce of it as I tried to live the life that I wanted. It was pretty painful (in more than just the physical) to not be able to do the things I love to do: hike, bike ride, ride roller coasters, dance, walk around the Big City with friends, etc... I am so excited with where I am right now and where I am still moving towards! I can walk 3 miles no problem, even when it involves a GIANT hill, I had to move my seat up in the car because I've lost so much weight off my back side that I was too far from the pedals and I just realized this morning that I am back down to the size I was...or maybe even a size smaller than...the last time I went to Disneyland! I believe that some roller coasters are in my immediate future! WAHOO!!!

To fully grasp the changes that have occurred...here are some pictures from then...and now!

October 2010- Before I began this journey

(yes..the wind is doing weird things to my hair but whatever!)

February 2011- 2 weeks after starting Weight Watchers

August 2011- 65 pounds lighter

TMI...

So fair warning...there may be a little bit of over-sharing in this post but hey...YOU chose to read it :)

Ready...here it comes...

So lately I have been noticing some really awesome changes in my life and how my body is working. I'll start with the "nice" stuff! I can sit cross-legged no problem again!!!!!! This is pretty much my favorite and most comfortable way to sit!!!! I love sitting this way on a lawn full of picnickers or on my corduroy couch as I view yet another episode of Chuck's Day Off (seriously...you need to watch this guy!) I love that it makes me feel like a kid when I sit this way and that I automatically smile when my legs fold comfortably underneath me! It is amazing!!!

The next and REALLY REALLY fabulous thing I've noticed is how easy it is to shave my armpits. Yes, maybe a bit TMI, but whatever!!! I was seriously struggling with this before I started working on loosing weight and it hasn't been until this month that I noticed that I can comfortably, without giving my self an awesome razor slice on the back of my arm and follow that up with a special viewing in the bathroom mirror to double check my skills, shave all of my armpit hair!!!! This is seriously a victory!!!! I don't know about you other ladies but when I'm all perfectly shaved I feel fantastical. And yes...if you were wondering...your body does store fat in your general armpit region!

A while back I wrote a post about foundation garments. Lately I have realized that it is HIGH time to replace mine! I was wearing a dress a few weeks ago and suddenly felt my underwear literally blowing in the wind. WHAT?! It's true! They are so baggy that they flap when a breeze blows if I'm not wearing pants!!! Also...my bras are finally to the point of needing to be replaced so I will be planning a trip to be formally measured and then to pick-up some new foundation garments for myself sometime this month!!!

And since it's TMI o'clock I must report that my belly has reduced so much in size as to provide me with an actual lap! I can actually hold children over the age of 8 months on my lap now!!! WAHOO!!! Some of my favorite kids have even noticed (names are being withheld to protect the dignity of the parents!)

As I look at having lost 59.8 pounds since October I am astounded at all of the changes in my life. I now wear a 2X at Old Navy and it is comfortable (so this will soon be a 1X.) I used to squeeze myself into a 4X simply because that was the biggest size available. I also look forward to exercising and think about it often in a fond way. I have found myself to be an unintentional inspiration to others and have created deeper friendships. People have been asking me a lot this week if I feel "like a new person"...but in reality I am still myself, Erin, just getting closer to the size that I actually am. I've been wearing a disguise for a long time...so maybe the world doesn't recognize me but I sure do!

Thanks, faithful friends, for your love and support, cheering and listening ears, trips to FroYo and many miles of walking. Without you this TMI message would not be possible!!!! I love you all!!!!!

Setting Up Some Benchmarks!

This week's weigh-in was unfortunate. I gained this week but was surprisingly ok when I saw the numbers on the scale. As I saw the numbers I could think of 4 things that would have led to those results, so at least I had a clear picture as to why I gained weight. I also realized that I hadn't set any goals for after I had reached my 10% goal. AND...I also realized that I hadn't given myself my 10% reward...lame! So I just ordered the second disc of season 1 of Glee! I'm going to be loosing 44% of my initial weight so I had better make some goals loaded with rewards so that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I have set a new habit for myself to help in getting back on track and supporting all of my goals! Here it is: do not eat after 8pm! I have even set a recurring alarm on my phone to remind me to have a snack at 7:45pm so that I set myself up to win. This has also forced me to use more of my points during the day instead of saving 6 of them for the end of the day. Yesterday I totally wasn't hungry after 8pm and I think that it was because I had eaten more points earlier in the day! I'll let you know how this goes!

Here are my benchmark goals and some rewards that I've come up with. If you have any ideas about rewards PLEASE hook a sister up!!!

• 5% = 16 lb. Reward: I can't remember what I did for this! MET
• 20 lb. Reward: Dinner @ Tadich Grill MET
• 25 lb. Reward: Boxing workout kit MET
• 10% = 32.2 lb Reward: Glee Season 1 Volume 2 MET
• 40 lb. Reward: New dresses & work tops! MET
• 15% = 48.2 lb. Reward: Photography afternoon MET
• 50 lb. Reward: Dinner at Chez Panisse with the girls MET
• 60 lb. Reward: New walking shoes MET
• 20% = 64.4 lb. Reward: Indoor rock climbing lessons MET
• 70 lb. Reward: Ski trip for New Years 2011 MET
• HALFWAY = 70.9 lb. Reward: Ski clothes MET
• 75 lb. Reward: Museum day in SF with cool friends MET (museum day to be scheduled!)
• 80 lb. & 25% Reward: Spa Day MET (to be scheduled)
• 90 lb. Reward: More Rock Climbing Lessons
• 30% = 96.5 lb. Reward: Season pass to Great America
• 100 lb. Reward: Dinner with fab friends
• 110 lb. Reward: Climb Half Dome/Camp at Yosemite
• 35% = 112.6 lb. Reward: Trip to Alcatraz
• 120 lb. Reward: Dinner at French Laundry & a night in Napa
• 40% = 128.7 lb. Reward: Camping weekend at Sanborn Park
• 130 lb. Reward: Theatre Tickets
• 140 lb. Reward: Bicycling trip in the wine country
• GOAL =141.8 lb. Reward: A Brand New Wardrobe...including a trip to Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters!!!!!!!!

I Want

I want to be comfortable in my own skin

I want to look at a picture of myself and think, "Wow! I'm gorgeous!"

I want to want to see myself when friends video tape me

I want to feel like the prettiest girl in the room

I want to know that I am lovable

I want to wear clothes from Anthropologie

I want to take ballet

I want to do a triathlon

I want to have a chance at happiness

I want to be proud of who I am

I want to climb Half Dome

I want to be ridiculously confident

Control Top Tights...Not Your Mother's Foundation Garments

Today I'm wearing a super cute outfit: turquoise blue dress, taupe sweater, chocolate brown textured tights, brown boots and a super cute scrabble tile necklace...but I am feeling totally gross. I am wishing for those foundation garments that make you look perfectly smooth and fabulous underneath your clothes...something a little bit like this...

To make me look a little bit like this...

If only my control top tights would stop cutting off my leg circulation and then strangely bunching at my ankles I could feel a bit more like a femme fatale!

After lunch I was even musing over the benefits of the full corset...no need to worry about falling over after lunch...your corset will hold you up! I wouldn't ever have to worry about slouching again if I had one of these lovely numbers...

But seriously...undergarments really are the foundation of how we end up looking on the outside...which has me wondering...what are the emotional "foundation garments" that we need as women to be our best selves and feel like it? What kind of feminine armor do you put on to know that you are lovely and beautiful on a daily basis...whether physical or emotional? This control top girl is looking for a new foundation!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

I have lost 25.4 pounds since February 9th. When I started really addressing losing weight back in October I weighed 42 more pounds than I do today. In October I could barely fit into my size 28 jeans (it was painful to say the least). I am now wearing a 24 and they are loose. I ordered some clothes in a size 3x (smaller than I was before) from Old Navy and most of them were too big! It has been years since I have been this size. I also have some pretty great measurement changes since February:

Arm: 2 inches

Hips: 2.5 inches

Bust: 2.5 Inches

Waist: 4 inches

Thighs: 1.5 inches

Abdomen: 4.5 inches

Even with all of this great progress I continually find myself doubting my ability to succeed at this. I feel the threat of failure daily and it feels more like a promise than something that I can avoid. I am really scared. I can see myself becoming a little bit bananas too. I have been ridiculously careful with points and even menu planned to the brink of deprivation of the joy of really tasty food. This is not how I want to live nor how I want to feel.

Up next I am working to bring back the balance that I know I am searching for. Today I had a lot of tasty food...Abelskiver, cheese fondue and Coq au Vin. Such delicious food and I didn't even use all of my daily points! I did this without tracking during the day but I was very aware of how much I was eating and stopped when I felt it was enough. All of my purposeful measuring and attention to serving size is paying off. Go me!!!

Change is supposed to be a good thing and I can see that I am moving towards my ultimate goal. At the same time I am struggling to keep my mind focused on what I have accomplished and that I am still moving forward. I find myself wishing for a display board where I can get updates on what is happening internally. It would be great to know for sure every day what is happening inside. Then I would know if what I was doing was making a difference.

Thank you so much for your support and for being such amazing people that I feel safe really saying what I feel. Onward...to more changes!

Upcoming benchmarks:

10%...6.6 more pounds...any ideas for a celebration?

50 pounds...mid-August dinner at Chez Panisse

21 Pounds!!!! What?!

It's true ladies and gentlemen!!! I have now lost 21 pounds since February 9th!!!!!!! I nearly fell over when I read the scale. I've been sick this week and haven't been able to exercise at all so I figured I'd maybe lose 1 pound...at most...but I totally kicked 3.4 pounds to the curb!!! It turns out that not being able to taste food is helpful to weight loss :) Now don't think that I haven't been eating because I have been. I've been making sure to eat my daily points and I have been drinking loads of water. AND...I'm only 11 pounds from my 10% mark!

A hilarious tidbit about me...I am ridiculously motivated by the little rewards that Weight Watchers gives out. They have this cute key ring thing that you get when you lose 10% and then you get charms to add on to it as you lose 25, 50, 75 & 100 pounds as well as when you've attended 16 weekly meetings and when you achieve your ultimate goal. I am WICKED stoked to get my key ring!!!

I have surprised myself with how much I have missed my walks! I seriously wanted to go walking...snotty face and all...but my friends, who are sensible, talked me out of it! I seriously can't wait to get back into it though! It feels great to stretch my legs and breathe in the fresh air. I have also noticed that my stride has gotten longer and looser. I am remembering what it felt like to walk before my surgery and all of the stuff afterwards. It is liberating!!!

For goals for this week...I'm pretty much going to revive what I had set for this past week...simply because I've been laid up and I want to get my can back out on the sidewalks of San Jose! So here they are:

1. Lose 1.5 pounds
2. Walk twice
3. Replace some under things
4. Drink at least 64oz. water daily
5. Use my pedometer daily, walking at least 8,000 steps a day
6. Be kind to myself daily...and I mean actively thinking kindly about myself

OH DANG! I forgot to write my successes!

1. I can sit Indian style again (please forgive the non-PC name!)
2. I got permanent storage boxes for my snacks and labeled them with point values
3. I tried some new snacks: fruit bars from Target (3 pts....and super tasty) and kettle corn (also 3pts. and super tasty)
4. Figured out how to track my walks on the world wide web
5. Found a cool online site where you can virtually walk across the US...sign me up! Webwalking USA

5%

It's true! I have lost 5% (plus a bit) of my start weight!!!! WAHOO!!!! I've been thinking about how I feel and I am really proud of what I've accomplished. At the same time, I look down at my belly and still feel so, so very fat. It's hard to keep present what I have accomplished when I have so far to go. I am going to work on setting up a photo log for each weight benchmark so that I have a visual reminder of where I have come from.

Side note: Since October I have lost 34 pounds!!! I can hardly believe it!

I've also been thinking about some outdoor activities I would really like to do. One thing I'd love to do is climb Half Dome. I know, I know...those of you who have known me for a while will say, "What are you talking about? You are terrified of being up high and feeling like you might fall!" It's true, I am terrified of the feeling of a possible fall. I mean, paralyzed afraid of it! It's a horrible feeling! I want to get over this fear of mine so I have come up with a plan. (Of course!) When I have lost 100 pounds I am going to take some rock climbing lessons...indoor of course...and then I am going to train for climbing Half Dome. Once I feel secure in myself and my own strength I will be packing a car and heading to Yosemite...with a passel of friends of course...to celebrate!!!

My weekly goals are coming along! I have succeeded in drinking enough water daily for a week now! I have also been walking at least twice a week, if not more, and I have been doing arm exercises. I'm looking forward to walking a 5K in June and I am loving the walking with friends!!!! I've discovered that counting exercise points towards food points doesn't work for me and I worked really hard over the past week and a half to keep strict track of my points.

My next quest is regularly replacing clothes. My jeans and under garments are getting a bit too baggy for me to feel at all attractive!

Goals to reach by 4/20:

1. Lose 1.5 pounds
2. Walk twice
3. Replace some under things
4. Drink at least 64oz. water daily
5. Use my pedometer daily, walking at least 8,000 steps a day
6. Be kind to myself daily...and I mean actively thinking kindly about myself

Not a win, Not a loss

So...I didn't lose anything this week but I didn't gain anything either. I am super frustrated being so close to my 5% goal and not reaching it. I really wanted to stamp my feet when the numbers came up on the scale. No matter what I know (I've lost every week for seven weeks) I am still frustrated and really working on not going crazy about it!

Naturally I have been thinking all day about what I can do to make the difference that I want to make. One thing I thought about was how I ate a lot more of my weekly allowance points because I increased my exercise (I have 44 daily points and then an additional 49 weekly allowance points that I can eat.) It seems to me that, for my body, the points are not equal in the exchange so I am going to stay within my daily points this week and see what happens! I have also purchased a Weight Watchers pedometer that will give me accurate activity points. Fingers crossed!

My clothes are fitting better and better every day. I haven't re-measured yet but I am pretty darn sure that I've lost more inches. My t-shirts have been dwindling daily as I get rid of the clothes that are too big for me. Some serious shopping is in my near future :)

I don't think I mentioned this before but I am walking a 5K on June 11 and I would love some company. You can register by clicking this link for the Henry Coe 5K Walk. The walk is fairly easy, through a meadow, and you get a cool t-shirt! Let me know if you register!!! This walk is my way of motivating myself to exercise and it's also a great way for me to get in some socializing as I train for this walk. I also want to do a 10K in the fall so get ready for that!!!!

Goals for this week:

1. Go for at least two 2 mile walks- 4/8 with Kaija, 4/11 with Kathi
2. Lose 2 pounds
3. Do two arm workouts
4. Stick to just the daily allotted points (I will allow myself 5 allowance points if I really need them)
5. Make a new list of successes and healthy changes I've made

Stop the Hiding!

I have been hiding! I have avoided posting on here and actually fessing up to the emotions that I've been dealing with lately. Sorry! I'm done with the hiding and am here to say that I have been pretty terrified lately. Last week I lost 3 pounds! A fabulous success...but immediately after that feeling of success came the feeling of "Ok, so now when am I going to fail?!" I have been battling this feeling for the past two weeks and am just going to be brave about it. I am super scared that I will have all of this initial success and then fail miserably in front of all of you and all of the other people I have shared my goals with. It feels almost like it's inevitable. I know this isn't the "truth" but it's just what I'm feeling right now.

This week's weigh-in was extra scary because I was scared of failing & it was an unfortunate time of the month. I am very happy to say that I have lost another pound to make a grand total of 15 pounds lost!!! This also puts me only 1 pound away from losing 5% of my initial body weight (No one needs to get out a calculator! PLEASE!!!) With this week being a success I think that I need to remind myself of a bunch of successes that I've had...here we gooooooooo!

1. Lost 15 pounds since February 9
2. Lost the following inches: 1 from arms, 2 from hips, 1.5 from bust, 1 from waist, 1 from thighs
3. Am down a full shirt size
4. Can garden without being out of breath
5. Attended 8 Weight Watchers meetings (half way to a rad prize!)
6. Edited out shirts from my wardrobe that are too big for me to wear
7. Signed up to walk a 5K in June
8. Managed to have treats (including Nachos Bell Grande) and still stayed within my daily points
9. Shared with my Dad that I am doing WW. This was extra scary because my Dad has been flat-out mean in the past when it comes to weight and physical appearance.
10. Shared with friends how I am feeling

I am really proud of myself that I did not let my fear turn into self-sabotage (insert clip from The Beastie Boys "Sabotage" video here)!!! I am also proud of how much I have been sharing with people and how easy it has become to count points, tell people that I am counting points and have it be absolutely no big deal.

Next week starts the Weight Watchers walking challenge and I am totally going to be starting up. I would love to go for walks with people, but I have this fear of looking like a total idiot and making people think that I am super lame because I am totally not in shape. If any of you would like to go for walks with me, knowing that it will be a stroll & that I may need to take a break or ask you to slow down, let me know! I'm going to have to pull out my brave card for this one too but I am just going to do it!

Goals for March 30-April 6:

1. Lose at least 1 pound...but I'd really like to lose 2!
2. Go for at least one 20 minute walk- 3/31 with Hannah, 4/1 with Kaija (1.8 miles), 4/5 with Kathi (2 miles)
3. Do an arm workout at least once- 4/2
4. Check sizing charts for new jeans! Mine are baggy town USA- Note: sizing charts are BONKERS!!! I know what size is too big for me right now but according to my measurements I should be wearing a size larger than what I already own...hmmm...something is amiss!!! I did order new shorts though!!! I can't wait to prance around in them!
5. Set-up some walking buddies (this week's meeting theme was The Power of the Buddy)- Kaija, Anne, Kathi
6. Schedule a massage- 4/5 @ 10am!!!! The massage was RIDICULOUS!!!! I feel like a new person!

Lighter & Celebrating!!!

WAHOO!!!! I am 11 pounds lighter than I was on February 9th!!!! I am super happy to have met my 10 pound goal and I am proud of all that I have accomplished over the past 5 weeks. Here are a few of the things that I have done to make this happen:

1. Weighed snack foods as soon as I got home and bagged them up in snack bags, then added the points values to my WW web page
2. Started taking vitamins daily
3. Really planned for meals and made sure to have what I like to eat in the house
4. Dealt with the feelings that I had rather than feeding them
5. Called friends when I felt like I was going crazy and got their love and support
6. Payed attention to the negative conversation in my head and redirected it!!!
7. Made awesome affirmation cards for myself
8. Gave myself a reward for meeting my weight loss goal (I bought a new dress!!!)

I love that when I tried on my new dress today I was thinking to myself, "You are so cute!!! Check out that waist!!!" I think all of us should have thoughts like that every time we get a new outfit, catch a glimpse of ourselves in a window, or are hanging out with our girlfriends! It really is a great way to feel about yourself. I am really celebrating what I'm doing and sharing it with people. I feel like I have a whole army of people behind me, rooting me on!

Here is the latest on my goals from last week...

1. Workout to 2 of the SELF workouts on my iPhone- I did one "Get Sexy Arms" and it was rad and actually fun!
2. Lose at least 1lb.- DONE!!!! I lost 1.8lb.
3. Find a WW buddy- DONE! Sheelagh from, my meeting, is going to be my official buddy!
4. Start working on my weight loss ross cardigan- DONE!!!!! I have read through the directions, learned a new cast-on technique and have knitted the first 14 rows!
5. Be strictly accurate with point count- DONE!
6. Drink 96oz. water daily- This one was a wash this week...but I'm going to keep working on it and I will master this for sure
7. Create affirmation cards- DONE!!!!

Goals for the week of March 16-22:

1. Lose 2lb.
2. Drink 96oz. water daily
3. Work out to 2 SELF workouts- Sculpt Sexy Arms 3/19, 3/21
4. Be strictly accurate with point count
5. Plan at least 2 treats (The theme this week is "How to avoid deprivation and enjoy what you eat")- Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream & Shortbread Cookie 3/17
6. Knit at least 20 more rows on my weight loss reward cardigan (Here's a picture of the finished sweater...my yarn is a lovely cranberry)

Weigh-in Day #4 & Goal Update

Yes folks, it is Weight Watchers Wednesday!!!! Today the scale told me what I wanted to hear...I have lost another 2.4 pounds!!!! WAHOO!!!! I am only 0.8 lb. away from 10 pounds now!!! During the WW meeting I really appreciated all of the work I did over the last week to be prepared, learn how much is enough and to experiment with new foods! I am so on top of the ziplock bag action for snacks! It makes a huge difference for me.

Here's an update on my goals from last week...

1. Try 2 new foods- DONE: Chayote squash, Minneola, Glutino Pretzels, Baked Cheese Curls, Sun-dried Tomato & Mozarella Sausage, and Baby Bella mushrooms.
   
2. Workout to 2 of the SELF workouts on my iPhone- NOT DONE
   
3. Lose at least 2lbs.- DONE!!!!!!
   
4. Be strictly accurate with point count- DONE!!!
   
5. Find a WW buddy (Heidi B, Hope, Tiffany F or Tiffany B or...)- NOT DONE...well, I thought it was done and then it fell through

New Goals for the week of March 9-16!!!

1. Workout to 2 of the SELF workouts on my iPhone
2. Lose at least 1lb.
3. Find a WW buddy
4. Start working on my weight loss reward cardigan- DONE!!!! I have read through the directions, learned a new cast-on technique and have knitted the first 14 rows!
5. Be strictly accurate with point count
6. Drink 96oz. water daily
7. Create affirmation cards- DONE!!!!

The meeting theme this week was "Celebrating Your Successes" and I am going to be focusing on that all week. I am going to celebrate when I make a good choice, feel my feelings instead of eat them, and when I workout!!!!

I would love to get encouraging texts/emails about working out. I am really struggling to get myself going, consistently, in this area and I know it will make a huge difference!

Goals for this week

In the hopes of keeping my focus on the positive side of things I made a list (YES! A list!) of my goals for this week! Here we go:

1. Try 2 new foods (fruit & squash)
2. Workout to 2 of the SELF workouts on my iPhone
3. Lose at least 2lbs.
4. Be strictly accurate with point count
5. Find a WW buddy (Heidi B, Hope, Tiffany F or Tiffany B or...)

I'll update you guys as the week goes on!

Weigh-in Day #3

Well...the good news is that I didn't gain weight. The frustrating news is that I only lost 0.2 pounds this week. More good news...I've lost 6.8 pounds in three weeks and I'm learning to deal with the emotions that I usually feed. And yet...the lame number on the scale has me feeling as if I have failed. BAH!!!!!

Right now I just want to give up...this is going to take so long and I am already exhausted.

To fight this feeling and to keep my mind focused on what I can control, I came home from my WW meeting and measured out all of my snacks, figured out the point values, added them onto the WW online site, and labeled the packages! I no longer have the desire to eat the entire box of Nut-Thins crackers because I have figured out how many points are in a serving and I have made little individual snack bags!

I am going to keep refocusing myself all day so that I don't go bananas and sabotage myself!

The Measurement Strips

The other day, as I was looking at my reflection in the window of the light rail, I realized that I do not have a clear perception of my actual size. After thinking about it I also realized that this has been one of my problems with realizing my weight loss successes in the past and if I don't get a grip on this I will once again look at myself in the mirror after having lost a huge amount of weight and think,"I'm still fat." I do not want this to be in my future so instead I am making a plan and have created a simple but effective visual tool! Here's how the measurement strips (pictured above) work:

• The blue ones are what I measured when I started this weight loss journey (no need for actual numbers here folks!)
• The yellow ones are the goal measurements that I have for myself...these were taken straight from the Anthropologie sizing chart so that I can totally wear their clothes when I'm done!
• Every day I am going to look at these measurement strips and clearly think to myself, "That is what I measured at my biggest," and then,"That is what I'm going to measure when I am done."

Here's what I'm looking at for inches to lose (from left to right in the photo):

• Bust- 16.5"
• Waist- 20"
• Hips- 16"

Here's to reality in both the present and in my future success!!!

Weigh-in #2

Today was weigh-in day and the scales revealed a loss of 2.4 pounds for a total of 6.6 pounds! I got my 5 pound sticker today, shared during the meeting and stayed after to talk with another lady about strategies for the frustrating mental conversations we all have. It was great to get all of the positive feedback and shared experience. It eased my mind a TON!

After the meeting I went to the grocery store and stocked up on a ton of fruit and vegetables! I came home and cut up everything and made it all easy to grab and eat! I even measured out some tasty cheddar popcorn for snacks!!!! It feels good to be set up for a win!

I think that this preparedness is going to be key and I am going to have to stay on top of it in order to win at this game of weight loss!

Losing it without losing "it"

Is that possible? I wonder if it is! Can I lose weight and not feel like a crazy person the entire time? The past several days have been pretty rough, emotionally. All that has been going through my head is, "Have I lost weight? I haven't! I know I haven't! I should eat chocolate! No, I shouldn't eat anything! No wait...I should eat some vegetables because they don't "count"! But then maybe I still won't lose weight! I will never be able to...or I'll lose weight and just gain it back like I have before! I need chocolate!!!!!! No, NO CHOCOLATE!!!! How long until dinner?" Ahhhhhhh!!! I seriously feel like a nut case!

This whole journey is going to be more than even I bargained for. I am not sure what tools I'm going to need to keep going. I'm sure I will collect a ton on the way. Right now I am in search of ways to retrain my brain so that I can have some peace of mind. I have several avenues to pursue for guidance and I am ever thankful for friends who send me text messages stating "Love you so much. Too much to let you fail :)" So here is a quest for you, my lovely friends, when you think of me and think, "Hey, I hope she's having a great day and totally winning!" send me a text message or an email. Any old random time!!! Really! It will really help!

Here's to losing it without losing "it"!

First Weigh-In

Today was my first official weigh-in at Weight Watchers. I stepped onto the scales with some trepidation. My week had been full of celebrations: my birthday party (cheese, bread, cheese, cheese, apple cider, and cake), Sunday dinner (cake and more delicious cheese) and Valentine's Day (dinner at Cheesecake Factory that included cream & butter in the sauce) and I was SUPER worried that all of the celebrating wouldn't give me the results I was looking for.

The numbers that I saw blew me away! I lost 4.2 pounds!!!!!! I am thrilled that my use of the online tools and paying attention to when and why I was snacking really paid off! Week number two is going to rock!!!! Today I even did a great arm workout and prepped some awesome snacks for the week!

I am also sharing what I am up to with various people in my life so that I am accountable not only to myself but to others as well. It's a brave move for me and I am proud of myself for doing what I know will make a difference for me in the long run. Tonight I was chatting with Stacey, my landlady, and she said she'd be sure to check in with me!!! That's exactly what I need, people on my team. Go team Erin!!! (That makes me think that I might need t-shirts...hmmmm...a crafty project...)

New Readers Day!

Hello gentle readers! I originally started this blog with a friend of mine who has ditched the get thin effort and this blog...so I am sharing this with you lovely folks so that you know what I'm thinking and planning and what is happening in the world of me getting "skinny"

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

E

And we're back!!!!!

So I've joined Weight Watchers...and it was with a great deal of trepidation. It took me three tries to get myself to a meeting and what I finally had to do was ask a friend to go with me, which ended up making me truly commit to going. I joined because I need more structure and support around loosing weight. I joined because I honestly had no idea what else to do. I joined because I am sick of being so fat!!!! I joined because I deserve the life I want!!!!

I am attending a meeting for people who need/want to loose more than 50 pounds. I went in thinking that I was going to have to have a huge debating conversation with some ridiculous person over how much weight I want to loose. I was wrong! I can choose what I want my final weight to be and that's all there is to it! I am SO happy about this! They also no longer read your weight out loud! They only tell you if you've lost or gained. The woman, Jayne, who leads my meetings has lost 115 pounds and passed around her "before" picture, which was astounding. It gave me a sense of relief to know that the slender woman at the front of the room understands what I am going through. I figure I'll use the meetings as a kind of therapy time and use all of the materials to my advantage! I even subscribed to their magazine.

So far I really love the internet tools. It makes keeping track of what you've eaten super easy (there's also an app on my phone.) You can even add in recipes and it will calculate the points for you. This is something that I struggle with on "diets" because I just want to cook my food and then eat appropriately but most diets make you eat weird food or not eat certain foods but WW lets you eat whatever you want, just keep within you points. They encourage you to eat more "power foods" than junky stuff and the more junk = more points but you decide what you eat! The whole points system is also causing me to think more carefully about the snacks that I'm choosing. Tonight I wanted something sweet but didn't want to hork out on ice cream, so instead I had a banana (0 points), 2 tbsp of crunchy peanut butter (5 points), and 4/5 of an ounce of some dreamy dark chocolate (2 points). It was divinely satisfying and delicious!!! There's also a rad weight tracking graph (I love me a good graph) and an exercise tracker! Super rad!!!

My weigh in day is Wednesday so I'll keep you posted on how it's going. I'll get a gold star sticker every time I loose 5 pounds and they have even broken down my total weight loss into manageable portions so that I have something that my brain can get around! Their expectation is to loose between .5 and 2 pounds a week. Most people in the 50+ pound range loose 1-2 pounds a week. Check out some of my goals:

5% = 16 pounds

10% = 32 pounds

I also made some goals for my first week...here they are:

1. Understand the WW point system
2. Loose at least 1 pound
3. Exercise 3 times

Sorry if I repeated myself here but I wanted to record everything somewhere!!! What are you up to? How are your goals coming???? Don't leave me hanging here!!!! I can't stand being the lone poster!!!!