Today is THE DAY!!!! I got on the scale this morning and it said that this is it! I have 50 pounds to lose and I will be finished!!!!! FINISHED! DONE! AT GOAL!!!! WAHOO!!!
The past year has been hard. I have gained and lost the same 20 pounds a few times. I would NOT call it a plateau. It was a roller coaster of frustration. I have had to really deal with the emotional part of this journey. I have had to end friendships, nurture others, figure out who I am and who I want to be. I am still working on rewiring the mental conversation lines that I have been listening to for a good 40 years and discovering for myself what it is I want to feel about myself.
So many people have the misconception that weight loss is only food & exercise. This is completely incorrect!!!! Please share this information with everyone! If you don't have an issue with food it is hard to understand what life is like when food has become a drug. I mean, honestly, food is my drug of choice. It is what I have used to hide feelings about myself and the world. And unlike all other drugs you can not go cold turkey. You have to face food all day every day. Imagine a heroine addict who was trying to break the habit but had to have a controlled amount of heroine everyday. They had to look at heroine in the cupboard and in the fridge. They had to choose which color heroine they wanted for lunch and which heroine they would eat for dinner. They would have to say no to the heroine their friend just mixed up in their kitchen. And no one is there to control the amount of heroine you use...you have to control it yourself. How successful do you think the heroine addict would be? This is what people have to deal with who have a food addiction problem. It is just as bad and incredibly hard. It is especially difficult because the addiction part of it is not understood by our culture, at all.
It is the addiction part of my journey that I have been dealing with over the past year. I mean, really, honestly dealing with. Anyone with a food issue can be successful for a while without looking at the addiction stuff at all. And I have an iron will, so I got away with it for longer than most. So now I have come to a place where I feel like I am being honest with myself and how I misuse food. I have created visual anchors for myself to remind myself that I have a goal and that I am turning over a new leaf in my life. I am creating a new vision of who I am...because I have realized that I am no longer "the fat girl" and in order to be successful I need to redefine who I am to myself.
So these are the themes I will be focusing on over the next, actually LAST, 50 pounds! I am excited to see the person who I become. I actually have no idea what I am going to look like as an adult at my goal weight! It's an unknown adventure ahead! Here's to the final 50, finding myself and mostly...not giving up on myself!
If you are in the midst of a weight loss journey, if you are struggling with food and feelings, if you want to give up...DON'T!!!! Keep moving forward! Keep working toward your goal! On this journey progress does not always show up on the scale. Progress shows up in all different forms. Be brave and keep moving!!!!
