Sizing Things Up...

The old and the new...

When I started this journey back in October 2010 I was wearing a size 11 ring on the ring finger of my right hand. Today, as I sit here typing, I am wearing a size 8 ring on my right ring finger. It is extraordinary to me to be in the "normal" range for ring sizes! I mean, I can go into any store and find a ring that'll fit me! ANY STORE!!!! Also, my favorite ring is too big to be worn on any of my fingers...WHAT?! While basking in this new sizing sensation I dug up my grandmother's engagement ring, a ring that was always so "tiny" in my mind, and it is SO going to fit me by the time I am done with all of this. It is somewhere between a 6 and 7...so maybe I am as tiny as my gramma...inside of all of this fat I do believe that I am actually just as tiny as she was. I have always felt like the "fat one" in my family. I have never felt like I could ever hope to be anywhere even near normal...but tiny...again, I say WHAT?!

I also purchased a new winter coat yesterday...from Old Navy...THE STORE...not online in the fat girl section, but at the real store at the mall in the regular sizes...AND I HAVE 77 MORE POUNDS TO LOSE!!! It's all a bit crazy to me. My goal "was" to be a size 12/14 but now that I'm looking at 77 more pounds and I'm already a 18/20...well, I'm thinking that a 8/10 is going to be more like it. Or smaller? I still haven't wrapped my head around that...it's gonna take some time.

Fear of the slow down is making me bonkers! I am so scared of failing. I am half way...I've lost more than 80 pounds...and I have 77 more to go. I think part of my stress is coming from several people asking, "So are you only loosing a pound a week now?" When I hear this I feel like people are just waiting for me to fail. Like I'm a delicious piece of steak, dangling on the end of a fork over the hungry mouths of a pack of wolves. I don't think that that is what is meant by these comments but, unfortunately, that is how they get translated in my brain. So...the fear is here again...it's that time I suppose. I am looking at it square in the face and dealing with it, not eating it! I am scared but I know that I can get beyond this point and continue to move towards my goal. I know that I'll make it to my New Years goal...no worries! 75 pounds (WW style...93 total) here I come!!!!!!